Rejection Letter #1

This past week I got my first we-don't-even-want-an-interview letter.  Obviously, I did the most rational thing and took this as a personal attack against my resume, experience, credentials, and character.  Then to spread the drama I left my mom a voicemail in a really sad and pathetic voice that begged her to feel sorry for me, "Got a rejection letter today (sniffle, sniffle.)"  Remember, I said job applying was a huge test of faith for me?  Instead of thanking God for showing me one place I wasn't supposed to be, I had a slight meltdown.  I say slight because a few days later I had another meltdown; it was a teensy bit bigger.

Imagine this...Me crying while talking on the phone to my mom, "Moooommmmm, (hiccup sob)  I am probably (slight gasp for air) NOT going to get a (another sob) JOB!  Who (cry, cry) do you think (sniffle) is ever going to HIRE (sob) me?  Why can't this (one last sob) be EASY?  Really, mother, HOW am I ever going to PAY off (ok..one more huge sob) my LOAAANS?"  I then go on blubbering about all the unknowns in my life.  Right now, I have a lot of unknowns.  Will I have to move? Will I get a job in Sioux Falls?  Should I continue working on the rez?  Where will I live?  Who will I will be friends with? And blah, blah, blah...Thankfully, only a few days later, job prospects are looking slighly better.  I've heard of a few openings and potential openings and was able to send out a few more applications. 

Today work helped me remember that my problems, my job search, my worries are actually pretty pathetic.  People around the world are hurting, and I'm crying because I might have to move or make new friends?  Seems stupid when people in Japan are mourning the deaths of their friends and can't escape harmful radiation.  Seems stupid when I look into the little faces preschoolers and know they might not get much to eat over a long weekend.  Seems stupid when  children and families are hurting from abuse or illness or poverty. 

And then ... when I checked into the Golden Buffalo tonight, the check in lady gave me back my shampoo and conditioner I forgot in the shower during my stay last week.  I though I had lost it forever.  This might not be a big deal to anyone else, but I was extremely thankful to be able to have my almost full bottles back and thought it was really nice of her and the lady who cleans my room to save them for me from last week.  When I am taken care of by people who barely know me, seems pretty stupid to struggle to trust the plans of a God who MADE me.